The tongue-in-cheek Uckfield Highway Code has an alternative rule about double yellow lines.

A tongue-in-cheek look at the Uckfield Highway Code

This alternative version of the Highway Code as it relates to Uckfield appeared first on Twitter. It was compiled by @sonofshaleman.

Uckfield Highway Code, all based on observations:

1. Red traffic lights are advisory (at best)
2. Zig-zag lines at pedestrian crossings do not prohibit parking in this town
3. Parking is allowable on double yellow lines if it is convenient for you
4. Don’t worry about obstructing pedestrians – park on pavements if you like

If you would like to add to this list please feel free to make your suggestions where we link to this story on the Uckfield News Facebook page.

Two more suggestions via Facebook from Fay Lloyd:

5. It’s absolutely fine to park your big white delivery van right on the corner of a junction so noone can see to pull out
6. We don’t mind waiting ten minutes while you try to reverse park your people carrier into the smallest space in the High Street

Dave Sawyers adds:

7. Do drive on to a roundabout and block it up for everyone else. It’s fine to ignore other drivers who could use the roundabout properly because you have managed to move 20 yards from where you would have been.

Here are two from Jessica Dixon:

8. Do use the High Street as your personal chicane. Just because someone is pulling out or getting out of their car does not mean you should slow down.

9. After stopping at the first set of traffic lights drive at 50mph to the next. You must avoid the possibility of stopping at every set.

One from Vanessa Thomas:

10. Traffic calming measures are there to make you drive faster so you can get through them before the oncoming vehicle.

New rule from @sonofshaleman who started this list:

11. Cyclists are exempt from no-entry signs and red traffic lights – London rules apply here.

Here’s one from Paul Bray:

12. It is ok to park your 4×4 on the pavement or any grass verge you like, after all this is why they are called ‘off road’.

Thanks to Jolene Fairs for this one:

13. When dropping your child off at school, just stop anywhere. Better still park across someone’s drive way, your child is more important than anyone needing to access their house.

And to Rob Xenos for this:

14. It’s ok to pretend the new roundabout on Eastbourne Road doesn’t exist. Straight lining it is the cool thing do do!

A good one from Karen Muxworthy:

15: Do not indicate on roundabouts. The rest of us can just guess which exit you plan to take.

Another another good one from Karen Barnes Fordrey:

16. When parking in the car park don’t worry about straightening your car up as everyone else can just park at an angle too.

Thanks too to Matthew Leppard, similar to number 14, but important for shoppers and workers:

17. Feel free to park your car over people’s drives, dropped curves or anywhere you like in a residential area, while you go to work or shopping in town.

Here’s a new entry from Jim Molesworth-Edwards:

18. When parking gaps in the High Street are not long enough, reverse between other parked cars onto the pavement and obstruct a shop entrance.

See also:

Latest Uckfield news

Share this story

Sign up to receive daily news alerts

I'd like to receive updates every: